Все коты серы ночью
by Ataokoloinona
Summary: Zetsu has a philosophical discussion with himself and comes to a few conclusions. One is that Tobi is a good boy. Maybe...


That's Russian by the way, I thought it would be appropriate for Zetsu; and just so you know, I don't know any Russian, I used a translator on the internet. The title is supposed to be 'all cats are grey at night' in English, if you speak Russian and that title isn't correct please let me know. Thank you! And for the sake of a little fun this is post the Kakuzu, Hidan death arc and the pre Deidara goes up in flames arc... or whatever the crap you call it. You'll see what I mean. :D And I didn't contract most of the words because I think Zetsu would talk like that if he ever had a long drawn out conversation because he's a loner and probably talks formally most of the time. Just my opinion though, he doesn't have much airtime for me to be decisive. Now enjoy!

"_I am hungry._"

"**We are always hungry.**"

"I wonder why.**"**

"**We suppose we crave the connection... and it feels good to be full.**"

"_All humanity is intertwined after all._"

"**We just speed along the process.**"

"_Everything eventually dies_."

"**You mean everything is wasted, such a pity**."

"_It's a natural part of life, a cycle_."

"**Yes everything eats everything else... or tries** **to**."

"_I never understood vegetarians_."

"**Pansy losers**."

"_Behave... Do you suppose we were meant to be vegetarians, you know, in the beginning_?"

"**The beginning of what**?"

"_The world. Do you suppose when everything was new and pure creatures didn't eat each other_?"

"**We think there was no beginning. There has always been fighting. Peace is wishful thinking**."

"_Why_?"

"**Because to get peace there is fighting. It's hypocrisy**."

"_Perhaps it's more misguided than hypocrisy_."

"**That's delusional. People like to fight. It's the thrill of the hunt, of dominating something weaker than yourself**."

"_True, the hunt is exciting_."

"**And the smell of fear when they realize they are the prey... delicious**."

"_Humanity is so arrogant_."

"**Always thinking that they are on top, that they aren't affected or affect anything**."

"_Sometimes they are... we are_."

*snicker* "**True**."

"_So what separates man from beast_?"

"**Who says they are**?"

"_People do not generally behave like animals_."

"**Oh**_** no**_** because **_**they**_** think and feel**. **Submission is submission whether it's articulate groveling or not**."

"_But what of love_?"

"**An anomaly**."

"_That can't be it or people wouldn't seek it out as they do_."

"**An excuse to copulate**?"

"_People don't always have sex to propagate the species, they enjoy it. That is different from animals_."

"**True, animals have seasons and they don't seem to enjoy it very much**."

"_Odd._"

"**We agree**."

"_So if there was more sex there would be less war_?"

"**You certainly can't do both at the same time**."

*snicker* "... _So is there war because there is loneliness?_"

"**Perhaps, we notice that there is more fighting over differences than because they want to be together**."

"_You are right. That would be a paradox_."

"**Yes**."

"_But then what is the reason_?"

"**There is no reason, people just want power**."

"_That is true. They come up with any reasons that they want_."

"**And we will be there to enjoy all those bounties of war, spoiled or not**."

"_Why work when they will just hand to me what I want_?"

"**Kakuzu would be so proud**."

*snicker* "_Too bad he is dead_."

"**He was foolish and gave the enemy too many openings**."

"_What do you think happens when you die_?"

"**We return to the earth**."

"_Do you think there is an afterlife_."

"**Hidan interested you**?"

"_Yes_."

"**Well he better hope there is an afterlife**."

*snicker* "_So what do you think_?"

"**We honestly don't know, we'll find out when we die**."

"_You think that I should look into afterlives_?"

"**Like we are shopping**?"

"_That sounds so callous_."

"**That's what it sounded like**."

"_What I meant is should I be concerned_?"

"**Who knows**?"

"_Sometimes I worry_."

"**We do worry, they say that you should just 'live your life right' but that means nothing. Our right is different from other 'rights'**."

"_It is very confusing_."

"**We will live our life how we see fit; I do not think that there is anything afterwards**."

"_That is so lonely_."

"**Yes**."

"_That makes everything people do a waste of time._"

"**Yes**."

"_What is the reason to do anything if there is no reason_?"

"**Maybe there is a deity. We do not enjoy feeling pointless either**."

"_So it seems that the only reason for government is to secure reason where there is none_."

"**The reason for government is so there will not be anarchy**."

"_Then if there should not be anarchy, then why are there revolutions_?"

"**Because, as we said before, people like to fight. They are hungry**."

"_I still do not understand_."

"**The government regulates people's desires so that all may live in harmony and not in constant fear**."

"_Then why do they constantly strain against the bonds that they have placed on themselves_?"

"**It's nature, it's the only way that some of them may fight**."

"_People do not make much sense_."

"**We much prefer the woods and earth**."

"_They do not change in the way that people_ _do_."

"**They don't talk back either**."

"_Or tug on you and your clothes_."

"**Or comment on the color of our private parts**."

"_Or call you a schizo_."

"**Or ask where the neighbors went**."

"_Or ask if it's a full moon yet_."

"**Or try to feed us fertilizer.**"

"_Or blacken all the sun lights_."

"**Bastards**."

"_I agree_."

"...**We know where Kisame keeps Sameheda's bandages.**"

"_Let's glue them together._"

*snicker*

"**We also know where Deidara's extra clay is.**"

"_Let's replace it with play dough._"

*snicker*

"_I think I know why people try to break the rules._"

"**It's because of all the bastards in the world.**"

"_So true._"

"**We better hurry before they get back so they will think Tobi did it.**"

"_Because Tobi is a good boy._"

*snicker*


End file.
